Uncomfortable Shorts

Uncomfortable Shorts by Frank J. Edler

Uncomfortable Shorts is a collection of eight irreverent, irregular and irrational short stories. Try on these ill fitting tales that squeeze into horror, cosmic, comic and corny niches. One size fits none. No refunds. No exchanges. No exceptions.

  • Pork Roll, Egg & Sleaze: A group of urban explorers find themselves on an adventure that turns into a horror movie.
  • My Date with the (Non)Word, Ans: An unlikely relationship with an autocorrected word.
  • Eat Sh*t and Die: An over-the-top tale of cosmic horror in a quiet New England town.
  • You Can Catch More Flies with Honey: There’s more than one way to catch a fly. But which way is best?
  • There’s a Frenchman in My Mayonnaise: A quirky tale of a hangry man who’s attempt to make a sandwich sidetracks his entire life.
  • Conrad Lubbox is Out To Get Me You Stupid Idiot: You sure have a lot of questions about why I let Conrad Lubbox’s dog outside.
  • Dick Sick: Preston isn’t feeling well. He’s sneezing, coughing and pooping penises out of every orifice.
  • Inflate: A zen yogi leads the way to Nirvana (and not the Kurt Cobain kind.)

The IndieMuse Review

“Where logic dies, the bizarre begins.
And the bizarre knows no limits.”
—MSPG

That quote is not something Frank wrote. In fact, I’m not sure who wrote it. And, for half a second I thought it was something profoundly deep, until I read the last line.

“My doo-doo wants to rule the world.”

 You see, that quote was written on the wall of a toilet stall in an asylum. And that is why I chose to attribute it to MSPG (short for Mad Shitting Philosophy Guy). It’s just impossible to tell who wrote it there…wait a moment, I can’t completely dismiss the idea that Frank actually wrote that. Who knows which his choice of asylum is when the meds needs to be balanced, right?

Okay, it was written by MSPGWIPNFE…you will have to read the rest of this review to find out what that means—bwahaha…

Okay, folks, that’s just my unique way of introducing Frank J. Edler’s latest collection of stories. And let me get this out of the way: I have a very logical mind, so I have this love/hate relationship with bizarro. I have to know what I let myself in for or I will probably not like it much. And, yes, this is a collection of bizarro stories, but at least I suspected, so this is my unbiased review.

The first story (“Pork Roll, Egg and Sleaze”) turned out to be a fairly straightforward horror story and, I must say, I liked it a lot. There is something I have to get off my chest, though…Frank is a funny guy, so I have no idea if he wrote it ironically, but if I may throw in my two cents: Bon Jovi is NOT keeping it Jersey. There is only one artist who can truly keep it Jersey: The Boss. Calm down, ladies, I’m not trying to take a dig at your beloved Jon (mostly), but while Bon Jovi will wrap some dog shit in a bow to make it pretty in their idealistic world, Bruce Springsteen will tell you how bad it smells when you step in it. He tells it like it is. Damn, I’m not even from Jersey and I feel offended by the mere suggestion.

(One moment…have to do some breathing exercises to stop myself from saying something offensive.)

Moving on to “My Date With the (Non)Word, Ans”…This is outside the box, harmless humor taking a poke at an autocorrected word. Just so you know, it wasn’t nearly as funny when I heard the guy who invented autocorrect died recently. His gravestone says: “Rust in piss”

“Eat Sh*t and Die” is a story I didn’t like very much. To get grossed out is not something that merits much entertainment in my mind. However, there are those who actually do like it (Jackasses) and I’m sure it might get the author some new fans.

“You Can Catch More Flies With Honey”—yep, this one gave me a chuckle or two as well, especially since everything that is being said is actually true.

“There’s A Frenchman in My Mayonnaise”—turned out to be the story I enjoyed the most in this collection. Just wrap your head around some of this stuff and you will easily find the humor. By the way, are you a fan of Shark Tank? Then this is a must-read!

“Conrad Lubbox Is Out To Get Me You Stupid Idiot”—honestly, this story didn’t do anything for me. I will let the fans of bizarro decide how wrong I am about it.

“Dick Sick”—okay, miss feminist warmonger, it is not what you think. This story was really, really funny!

“Inflate”—not bad, but I felt the title gave everything away from the start.

MSPGWIPNFE=Mad Shitting Philosophy Guy Who IS Probably Not Frank Edlar.

MORT STONE

Mort Stone lives in untamed Africa, where he rides his lion to work every morning to slave away as a scientist who learned how to fake competency.

Reading is his passion…well, the one he can admit to, anyway. As an aggressive pacifist, he chooses to fight vicariously through stories which can bring him no physical harm.

While he is almost confidant that his IQ is in the top 50%, his wife regularly reminds him of all the stupid things he does. He will neither admit nor deny the accusations of sarcasm, but he can act like he cares. Most of the time.

As an avid reader of horror and thrillers, and somewhat of a movie buff in those genres, he still blames his insomnia on Global Warming. Because he can.

He would also like to apologize in advance for any swear words which might slip through…he will blame that on the insomnia.

Curation Results: Uncomfortable Shorts

gHoster
B-Baal
Emo-Lee
KnotBTK
Deathdealer
Curator Notes: "For weird's sake, this book has its hits and misses, but Edler's knack for executing well-timed humor in his prose makes this more memorable than just a bizarro head-scratcher." —KnotBTK

This title has been officially certified by indiemuse reviewers and curators as a recommended read. Read about our certification process here.

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