Absolute Unit

Absolute Unit by Nick Kolakowski

The apocalypse might come from within us…

Bill is a nobody, a health inspector who’s not above taking a few dollars to overlook a restaurant’s mouse problem, and hated by nearly everyone except his long-suffering girlfriend. His nephew, Trent, isn’t much better: sexually and morally confused, he’s probably the worst teenage con artist on the East Coast. But today, these two losers are going to become the most important people in the world.

That’s because Bill and Trent harbor a sentient parasite with a sarcastic sense of humor and a ravenous appetite. As the parasite figures out how to control its new human hosts, the focus of its desires grows from delicious cheeseburgers and beer to something much darker and more dangerous.

Absolute Unit is a dark carnival ride through the underside of the American Dream, where hustlers and parasites fight to survive against gun-toting furries, sarcastic drug kingpins, old ladies who are startlingly good with knives, and angry ex-girlfriends. It’s a hardboiled slice of modern American horror that asks the deepest question of all: Is the human race worth saving?

Proudly represented by Crystal Lake Publishing—Tales from the Darkest Depths.

The IndieMuse Review

Attempting a ‘hip’ review for the younger readers out there.

”A good host these days is hard to find.”


I know what you are thinking right now…


And you are wrong. From the blurb I was thinking this might be something like the movie Osmosis Jones, only with a parasite instead of a white blood cell. I can honestly say this one went in a very different direction.


Do you know the definition of a parasite?

According to Oxford:

an organism that lives in or on an organism of another species (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the other’s expense.

There are synonyms like
bloodsucker, freeloader, sponge, etc.

According to life experience:


What I don’t see much of in the different dictionaries is a sympathetic viewpoint for the parasite itself—it is just doing what needs to be done to survive, you know? And, let us not forget, it is important for their own survival to keep the host alive as well.


With that in mind, you can’t help but to feel some sympathy for the parasite who ended up in Bill…who is not a nice or healthy person. But there is hope, in the form of his nephew, Trent. At least, that’s what it looks like, until the violence begins.


There is a lot of wit in this one, along with some tense situations and, um, unusual sex? Will Trent’s ex-girlfriend, Carrie, be able to get him through the day alive? Will a gun fight between drug dealers and Furries turn you on?


I had a blast with this book and thought it was well written. I also had two very profound thoughts when I finished it.

The first—and I have to give perspective here, so bear with me—is about ‘The Talk’ between father and son. I grew up in a very conservative country at a very conservative time. The word “sex” was not used in our house…at all. So, when my father decided I was old enough, he gave me a book, told me to read it and come ask him if I had any questions. That was the extent of our “talk.” As I got older and the shackles came off, I decided I will handle it differently. Have an open relationship with my son, prepare him for life. As I finished this story, I broke out in a sweat because I have absolutely no idea how I will handle it if my son has to ask me the difference between Zoophilia and Xylophilia. So, if you know about a good book out there that covers a lot of unusual sex stuff, please give me the name so I can order it!

The second is much deeper: Could this story be some kind of metaphor, a lesson to learn, perhaps? After much deliberation, I decided that, yes, I can find a deeper meaning for what the parasite represents: Krispy Kreme will ruin donuts for you!

You see, I don’t live in one of those bustling cities where there is a Krispy Kreme. When I was on vacation, I discovered the place and bought a few (dozen). Now I am back and I can’t stand the oily, old, disgusting crap I used to eat. All of a sudden, they are not soft enough, or fluffy enough, or fresh enough, or sweet enough, or…ENOUGH!

Damn you, Krispy Kreme, with your delicious menu…much like a parasite, I wish our paths never crossed!

I need to have a lie-down…

This book is lots of fun and does have a few scares, but I would suggest you read it for entertainment value rather than the horror aspect.


Mort Stone lives in untamed Africa, where he rides his lion to work every morning to slave away as a scientist who learned how to fake competency.

Reading is his passion…well, the one he can admit to, anyway. As an aggressive pacifist, he chooses to fight vicariously through stories which can bring him no physical harm.

While he is almost confidant that his IQ is in the top 50%, his wife regularly reminds him of all the stupid things he does. He will neither admit nor deny the accusations of sarcasm, but he can act like he cares. Most of the time.

As an avid reader of horror and thrillers, and somewhat of a movie buff in those genres, he still blames his insomnia on Global Warming. Because he can.

He would also like to apologize in advance for any swear words which might slip through…he will blame that on the insomnia.

Curation Results: Absolute Unit

Curator Notes: "Kolakowski turns a dark mirror onto the face of the human race, catching horror, crime and a bit of humor into the reflection of our sentient and temporary existence." —gHoster

This title has been officially certified by indiemuse reviewers and curators as a recommended read. Read about our certification process here.

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This author has an official profile and author account at IndieMuse.

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This title has received an overall majority approval from our curators.


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