A VERY COVID CHRISTMAS by Patrick Kill

Patrick Kill returns from a decades-long hiatus to ruin Christmas once again.

Six original stories are included in this collection, a follow-up to Dead Santa & Other Heartwarming Tales (originally published in 2005). So settle in during your quarantined holiday exile and have yourself a black Christmas with volume 2 in the Cult of Christmas series.

Stories include:

  • “Secretion Santa”
  • “The Ventilator”
  • “Black Elves Matter”
  • “Reign Venison”
  • “Kamikaze Santa”
  • “Grandma Got Hungover On A Brain Gear”

The IndieMuse Review

In Patrick Kill’s latest collection of comedy-horror tales we get 6 festive tales set firmly in 2020, as all stories are centered around the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic. Fertile ground for comedy, right?

The six stories on offer are:

  1. “Secretion Santa” – A lonely office worker receives her annual Secret Santa gifts, with a dark twist
  2. “The Ventilator” – A young man’s sick mother receives a house full of unexpected visitors.
  3. “Black Elves Matter” – The Black Lives Matter movement makes its way to the North Pole and Santa’s Workshop
  4. “Reign Venison” – 2020s pandemic pales in comparison to the zombie apocalypse caused by Santa’s reindeer
  5. “Kamikaze Santa” – Santa’s deteriorating health worsens at the worst possible moment…
  6. “Grandma got Hungover on a Brain Gear” – Two boy’s annual Christmas visit to their grandparent’s house takes a dark turn in 2020

When I write a new review, my target is twofold. I want to relay my own personal experience with reading the book, as well as suggesting the type of reader who may enjoy it. With the latter, your mileage with A Very COVID Christmas can be easily gauged by the section at the end of the book where Kill gives us the outline of seven stories that were considered, but never written during the book’s production. Titles include “Jeffrey Epstein Saves Christmas”, “All I Want For Christmas is my Sense of Taste and Smell” and “Grandpa got Seduced by Krampus.” These titles will tell you more about how much you will enjoy the stories in A Very COVID Christmas than I ever could.

The comedy is very much in the vein of South Park or Family Guy. The stories are short and snappy, the comedy leaning heavily towards the gross-out, or toilet humor while using current social hot topics as inspiration. The story “Black Elves Matter”, about Ebony the Elf fighting for equality in Santa’s Workshop, feels like it could have been a Family Guy cutaway gag.

Some stories are better than others. The opener (and by far the longest story), “Secretion Santa” is a strong start, with a bizarre, black comedy take on the office Secret Santa tradition but “The Ventilator” didn’t quite hit the mark for me. The politics are sometimes a little too overt and distracting. The book’s introduction is overlong and outstays its welcome (clocking in at over 10% of the book’s total length). The four shorter stories that round off the collection though, are a big improvement, particularly the closing story which had a very memorable (and gross) scene with a late-night visitor to a boy’s bedroom on Christmas Eve.

Tasteless, juvenile, disgusting, and hilarious. These stories may not be to everyone’s tastes but those of you who like your penis gags with a side of social commentary will have your weird niche nicely catered for by Patrick Kill

RICHARD MARTIN

Richard started reading horror books at a young age, starting with R L Stine’s ‘Goosebumps’ and ‘Point Horror’ series. He traumatised himself at the age of twelve when he read Stephen King’s ‘IT’, and never looked back. He is currently based in the UK, where he lives with his partner, and an inappropriate amount of books.

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  1. Beverley Goley  

    Fabulous read. Do not miss this one, it is one of the authors best.

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