What do you get when you mix an evil cupboard, a sentient tail, and a horny giant?

3 Tall Tales by Patrick Kill. A collection of three fables for the seriously deranged.

In 3 Tall Tales we get;

‘The Magic Cupboard’, the story of a young boy and his cupboard which brings anything he puts inside to life. A child’s short attention span, and magic powers, turn out to be a recipe for disaster and things soon get out of hand.

With ‘Tall Tail’ we get a cautionary tale about a tail. It is a bit like ‘The Blob’ but it’s a tail and, rather than devouring you, it… Well, I think I will leave that to your imagination.

Finally, ‘The Giant Man’ poses the question ‘how do you have sex with a giant’? I’m not sure anything can quite prepare you for the answer…

If you’ve come to 3 Tall Tales looking for the next big name in literary horror, you will likely leave disappointed. Perhaps disappointed isn’t the word. Scarred for life feels more appropriate.

All three stories are structured and written like a fairy tale, or an urban legend, and there is a mix of gross-out horror, with touches of bizarro and plenty of dark humour throughout. ‘The Magic Cupboard’ was perhaps my favourite, taking the basic concept of the classic children’s story ‘The Indian in the Cupboard’, and taking a far more mean-spirited and outrageous approach. ‘Tall Tail’ was a pure bizarro comedy and ‘The Giant Man’ was undoubtedly one of the most messed up things I have ever read.

Clocking in at a very brief 23 pages, this is a brief read but an incredibly entertaining one, and one that defies description. The best way I can think to set your expectations is, imagine Edward Lee and Carlton Mellick III teamed up to write short stories for children, and you at least get a vague sense of the depraved madness packed into these pages. If you’re in the market for something quick, fun, and completely lacking in good taste, then this is the book for you.

3 Tall Tales is a hilarious, sick, twisted, joy. I hope that Patrick Kill can get the help he so clearly needs (but not before we get a few more books in this series of course).