Aron Beauregard’s Pizza Face is a compilation of five horror stories which are gentler than his usual splatter-punk. Don’t get me wrong, it just means he goes from Carolina Reaper to Bhut Jolokia…
Have I lost you with that statement? Okay, people, I’m only gonna explain this once, so pay attention.
When it comes to chilli, it is measured on a Scoville scale for spiciness. Example: Habanero Tabasco Sauce comes in at 7000-8000 SHU (Scoville Heat Units). The Carolina Reaper comes in at about 2 200 000 SHU—which makes it the hottest chilli in the world. It also means it can be used as Standard US Grade Pepper Spray, which starts at 2 000 000. Bhut Jolokia, also known as Ghost Pepper, comes in at about 1 040 000 SHU.**
So, my statement simply means he toned down the cruelty to “still-pretty-fucking-sick” in these stories.
The first story, “Pizza Face”, is a revenge story which most geeky teenagers who gets bullied have dreamed about. The second, “A Sunday Brunch Gone Awry”, features rabbits and eggs. I may not be a psychologist, but it does seem like the Easter Bunny may have ruined somebody’s childhood. The third, “Perfect on the Surface”, is the kind of revenge story which I love, and turns out to be my favorite in this one. The fourth, “The Lasting Impressions”, has a very Twilight Zone– / Outer Limits-kind of feel to it, and is probably the furthest removed from the author’s other work. I was hugely surprised when I found out the latter part takes place in Tallinn, Estonia—they have a radio station called ROCK FM which plays mostly my kind of music, so when I bathe, that is what I listen to. The fifth, “The Seeds of Tomorrow”, is another revenge story which impressed me the least, since I figured out the ending much too soon.
Those of you who follow my reviews will know I am a huge fan of this author and I think he is going to go far in the splatterpunk genre. If you are on the fence about reading his work, I would suggest you begin with this one—if anything is too much for you in these stories, you will not be a fan of his other work. Solid 4 star read.
** For all the single guys out there who want to use this new-found knowledge in the pursuit of…scoring, I have some advice for you: “You are at least a million on the Scoville scale,” is a really great pick-up line. If she knows what you’re talking about, she will be flattered. If she doesn’t, you can seem like the intellectual when you explain it to her, and she’ll still be flattered. Do not— can’t state this strongly enough—say: “Your dad’s dick must be a Carolina Reaper, ‘cause you’re HOT!” It doesn’t work…
Pizza Face by Aron Beauregard
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What if you were the cock of the walk in high school? Worshipped by all for your flawless appearance and arrogant persona, until you woke up one morning to find that your once pristine skin had been stolen and replaced with a pus-oozing malformed flesh-scape?
DescriptionWhat if you were the cock of the walk in high school? Worshipped by all for your flawless appearance and arrogant persona, until you woke up one morning to find that your once pristine skin had been stolen and replaced with a pus-oozing malformed flesh-scape? What if shadows were given a will of their own? What if the family dog stumbled upon a new class of bizarre and highly aggressive animals? What if there was a way to still physically be with a loved one after they passed on? What if the plants around us found a different kind of solace in the affection we display? Find out the answers in Pizza Face. Five unfathomable tales of disturbing mutation paired with ten original, malevolent artworks trapped within.